简短英语冷笑话

01
  1

  Q:Why did the man throw a bucket of water out the window?

  A:He wanted to see the waterfall.

  2

  Q:Why did the man throw the butter out the window?

  A:He wanted to see the butterfly.

  3

  Q:Why did the man put the clock in the safe?

  A:He wanted to save time.

  4

  Q:What has two hands and a face,but no arms and legs?

  A:A clock.

  5

  Q:What has a neck,but no head?

  A:A bottle.

  6

  Q:Where is the ocean the deepest?

  A:On the bottom.

  7

  Q:Why did the man throw his watch out of the window?

  A:He wanted to see time fly.

  one car come,one car come

  two car pangpang

  one car die

简单英语冷笑话

02
   1

  You are just a fool. I can’t bear you.

  -- But your mother can.

  bear 一词多义: 1.stand、put up with、tolerate 忍受. 2. give birth to 生出

   2

  (In a restaurant)

  --Waiter, the eggs must have gone bad.

  --Sorry, I only laid the table.

  lay 一词多义: 1.lay an egg 下蛋、产卵. 2. lay the table 摆桌子(准备吃饭)

   3

  Farmer: If you want to spend the night here, you'll have to make your own bed.

  Traveling salesman: That's perfectly all right.

  Farmer: Here's a hammer and saw. Good night.

  make one’s own bed 一般指“铺床”。但make也有“制作”的意思。

   4

  We can’t get down from elephants. We can only get down from ducks.

  down 一词多义:1. 副词,向下。2. 名词,鸭绒。

   5 重量级的,将“一词多义”发挥到极致~~

  Marriage is an institution where a man loses his bachelor’s degree and a woman gets her master’s.

  这里有三个词存在一次多义,institution、bachelor and master

  1. institution 有“学院”的意思,还有“制度”的意思。

  牛津词典里有这样的例句:Marriage is a sacred institution. 婚姻制度是神圣的

  2. bachelor 有“学士”的意思,还有“单身汉”的意思。

  3. master 有“硕士”的意思,还有“主人”的意思。

  婚姻是一个学院,男人失去学士学位,女人活得硕士学位。

  婚姻是这样一个制度,男人失去单身汉的身份,而女人获得主人的地位

   6

  --If you want my daughter to marry you. You should at least tell me one thing positive about you.

  --I am HIV positive.

  positive 一词多义 1. 积极肯定的。2. 阳性的。

   7

  一个长得很丑的女人,去照相馆照相,取到相片以后呢,她问这个摄影师,

  Don’t you think I’m beautiful?     你认为我漂亮吗

  然后这个摄影师说了一句很要命的话

  The answer lies in the negative.答案就在底片上

  negative 一词多义 1. 名词,底片,film。2. 否定的

  答案在胶卷上。答案是否定的。

英语短篇冷笑话

03
  1

  Your brain has two parts, the left part and the right part. The right part has nothing left, and the left part has nothing right.

  ——Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?

  ——He's all right now.

  2

  Money doesn't grow on trees. But it grows at our branches. (某银行广告)

  3

  Child: Mummy, can I get out to play?

  Mother: With those holes in your trousers?

  Child: No, with the girl next door.

  谐音“笑”果

  4

  A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tyred.

  A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tyred. (too tired)

  5

  索尼Mp3广告:

  Over 500000 ears of experiences

  Hu cares!!谁理他

  6

  Waitress:Do you want a can, sir? (服务员拿出一听罐头)

  连读can, sir是癌症

  7

  There are four letters to scare the thief away: OICU

  Seven days without laughter makes one weak.

  weak和week谐音

  Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

  To some - marriage is a word ... to others - a sentence.

  对于有些人婚姻是单词,而有些人则是刑罚

  没有婚姻,爱情死无葬身之地